Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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