That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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