i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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