you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
