Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
