I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
