All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
