omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
