he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bring me that man meat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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