Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
