I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
