I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
