just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
