Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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