i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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