Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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