My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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