i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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