Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
do nipples grow back?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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