my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
