brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
