Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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