I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
