apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
