Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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