my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
