the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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