my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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