Sry I called you an 8
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
