they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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