I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
