Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
