I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
