apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
