hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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