y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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