i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
