It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
