we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You are the jesus of drinking
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
