You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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