I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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