You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
