Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
