I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
