I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
