Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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