Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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