the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
