I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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