I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
