Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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