it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
