Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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