i think my tv is drunk
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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