She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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