Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
