i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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