Apparently you make a good broom.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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