i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
