he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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