Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
