WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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