Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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