I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize