So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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