some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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