You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
