Already got asked if we're dating
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
