some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Two words: blizzard sex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
