You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
bring money and cleavage
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
