is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
