she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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